you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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