I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
