Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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