worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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