Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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