I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
