yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
