Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
