just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
