What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
