Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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