I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
