I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
