Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
