how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
