Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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