so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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