The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
and she was petting her beer can
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
