i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
