You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
