dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
