I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
