I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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