Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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