so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
honey bunches of taint.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
time to smoke my breakfast
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
