i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
