Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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