Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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