yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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