if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i out mim tonsoeep
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