I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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