Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
