Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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