So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
