I think I just saw someone hide a body.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
