so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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