i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
