It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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