last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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