Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
