It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
