good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
