You're earring is so big in my mouth
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
