Can i not drive my cunt home
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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