I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
