I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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