How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
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Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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