Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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