She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
