there's paper in my vomit.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i drank out of a bidet.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
