he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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