She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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