it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
