i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
