We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
