Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
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Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
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Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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