Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
