Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
