U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
