she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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