sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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