take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
