I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
