no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Alive.
So much puke
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
