I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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