i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
