i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
