i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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