Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
cat food counts as protein by the way
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
