My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
