It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
