he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
