Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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