So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
