there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
