so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
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Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
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Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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