How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
