there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
