If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
